Snippets
by igivemyselfthecreeps
Summary: Anakin Skywalker has terrible dreams. Snippets of Anakin's life and thoughts, from a young slave boy on Tatooine to the most feared Sith Lord in the galaxy. Reviews are greatly appreciated.
1. Chapter 1

Anakin sat outside, tinkering with a part for his pod racer. The suns rose slowly, bringing with them the blistering heat.

 _I'll have to go inside soon, so I can get ready to go to the shop._

He wasn't normally awake at this time, but he'd woken early from a nightmare.

In the nightmare, Anakin had been running through Mos Espa, dodging the countless merchants and malodorous animals. He was running as fast as he could, but somehow the masked man was always behind him. The man was dressed all in black, with flashing lights on his chest and a dark, heavy helmet that completely obscured his face – Anakin wasn't even sure if he was human. Anakin ran and ran, but after a while, he seemed stuck, unable to move his legs quickly. He turned, staring in horror at the masked man who stood only a few metres behind him. Slowly, the man raised his hands to his head, starting to remove his helmet…

Anakin had woken with a scream. He was shaking, and felt ill. His mother Shmi had rushed in, and tried to calm him, but Anakin told his mother go back to bed. He thought getting up and going outside would make him feel better.

 _No chance of that._

These vivid dreams were becoming more and more frequent. Some were full of happiness, but most were terrifying, full of pain and suffering. The other day, he'd dreamt that he was older, perhaps 19 or 20, marrying the most beautiful brunette woman. In the dream, he could feel intense love for the woman.

The love seemed to burn passionately in his chest – it was a good burn, but he could feel that no one could take her from him without suffering his wrath. The very next day, Anakin had dreamt of the masked man again.

The masked popped up in Anakin's dreams almost nightly. Just thinking about it made him shiver, even with the now sweltering heat that surrounded him.

"Anakin! You have to eat something before you go to Watto's shop!" his mother called from inside.

Anakin reluctantly got up and began his morning routine. He dressed, ate and headed out the door to his master.

The day was a slow one – Watto flitted in and out of the shop, convincing people to buy his wares. Only 3 customers even walked in, and only 2 bought anything at all.

Once he'd cleaned the shelves, Watto sent him out to the junkyard to repair an engine bought from Jawas the day before. Anakin fixed it in only a few minutes, but instead of going inside for more jobs, he picked up the old vibroblade he kept hidden in a little gap in the wall.

The blade was heavy in his hands, but he'd grown slightly more used since he'd started practising with it. Anakin found it in a box of wares Watto asked him to sort through nearly a year ago. He'd grown a fair amount in the last year, and at nearly 9 years old, he could now wield it fairly well.

 _I bet I could beat anyone in a fight with it!_

Feeling calmed by the feel of the sword in his hands, he swung it, relishing in the sound it made as it whizzed through the air. Grinning, he stood before the damaged and discarded droids on the floor, holding the sword aloft.

"I am Anakin Skywalker, Jedi Knight, and I am here to free you!" he whispered triumphantly.

"I will release you, and you'll never have to take orders from anyone ever again!"

He swung the sword, pretending he'd spotted an adversary.

"Die, evil slave master!"

In his mind, he fought a cloaked humanoid, whose scared face he could not clearly see. He duelled with his invisible foe expertly, parrying and riposting with speed and grace. The vibroblade swung in his hands instinctively, but in Anakin's mind, it was a lazer sword, glowing blue.

"Boy! What's taking so long!" Watto called from inside.

Anakin jumped with fright, the sword falling out of his hand onto the ground. It narrowly missed his boots, and his heart skipped a beat.

 _Watto is not an awful slave master I guess. Though it would be nice to be rid of him._

"I'm coming now Watto!" he called back, stowing his sword away again.

Anakin felt considerably cheered up after he'd spent some time in the junkyard. The masked man lurked at the back of his mind, but for the most part he was able to repair what he needed to, snuck a bit more time in the junkyard playing, and convinced Watto to give him a few more parts for the droid he was building.

Not even Watto's grumbling could dampen his spirits by the afternoon – Kitster had dropped in and promised to meet him when they both finished working for the day.

"Ok boy, dust the shelves out the back, then you can go home", Watto said, slumped in his chair, counting the few credits he had sitting in the till.

Anakin cleaned the shelves far too quickly, but Watto didn't seem to notice. In only a few minutes, Anakin was skipping out of the shop, ready to find his friend. They met up half way out of the town, chatting excitedly together as they found a secluded spot just out of sight of the centre of Mos Espa.

"How's the droid going Ani?" Kitster asked, picking up a stone and throwing it as far as he could.

"Better, now Watto is letting me take parts from the shop." Anakin threw a stone, which fell slightly short of Kitster's.

 _Since when is Kitster better than me at anything?_

Kitster whooped before throwing another stone.

"I wish I could build a droid. You could sell it and make enough money to free yourself!"

"Yeah, maybe. Watto definitely needs the credits."

Anakin furrowed his brow in concentration, then threw another stone. It soared way over his previous attempt, landing almost three times further. Anakin beamed at his friend, secretly glad.

"Woah Ani! That was…"

Kitster was cut off by a hand covering his mouth. Anakin's eyes widened in shock as another hand closed around his mouth. After a second, Anakin realized they weren't hands at all, but the feet of a Dug.

Closing around the boys were a group Dugs. Anakin could only see four, but he somehow knew there were another two. Fear gripped him, but it seemed to give him focus.

 _They won't capture us – Kitster and I can fight back!_

"We'll sell you two for more than the last lot", the orange coloured Dug restraining Anakin grunted in Huttese. "You're far younger…" he breathed down Anakin's neck.

Seizing his chance, Anakin thrashed his arms and legs, trying to escape. Kitster started too, and the rest of the Dugs assisted their gang in restraining them.

Kitster aimed a good kick to one of the Dugs, one with purple colouring, but the others swarmed on him, crushing him. Anakin was still fighting himself, but he could no longer see Kitster. The Dugs finally restrained Anakin again, then stepped back.

Kitster was lying on the desert floor, blood pouring from his nose. Bruises were already forming on his face, and he looked tiny crumpled there on the ground.

 _Kitster…no…NO!_

The fear inside Anakin seemed to bubble into anger, and he started struggling again.

"That will teach you not to fight, unless you want to end up like your friend there." the Dug restraining him remarked.

The rest laughed hard, aiming more kicks at the small boy on the sand. Tears were forming in Anakin's eyes, and he momentarily stopped struggling. Instead, he shook with rage.

 _He's dead. I know he is. They KILLED him._

Anakin screamed, a high, piercing scream that made the Dugs cover their ears, letting go of him. Anakin pushed one Dug out of the way, but somehow all the others fell back too. Anger rippled through Anakin, and he felt stronger than he'd ever felt.

 _They won't hurt me or any of my friends again_.

Anakin jumped onto the purple coloured Dug he'd seen kicking Kitster and started punching. Each blow seemed to set Anakin free, and he screamed with each hit. Tears were streaming down his face, stinging his eyes.

"Never. Hurt. My friends. Again." He yelled at the struggling Dug, articulating each sentence with a punch.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see the other Dugs getting away, but he didn't care. He punched and punched until the Dug in front of him was well and truly unconscious. Anakin felt as if he was floating, watching another boy punching the Dug from above.

A rustle sounded next to him. Pausing, he woke from his trance and turned to look at Kitster, who was stirring.

 _He...he's not…he's ALIVE._

Anakin stood up instantly and ran over to his friend, who he now saw was breathing, albeit quietly. Kitster tried to open his eyes, but they were swollen and bruised. He coughed before passing out again.

Feeling seemed to be returning to Anakin's body, and he stood up again. He recoiled in horror at the bloody, unconscious Dug on the ground a few metres away. It was then that Anakin noticed the blood on his knuckles.

 _I couldn't have…did I do that?_

He was barely aware of what was happening. Anakin sat down again hard on the ground. The shaking had ceased, but he felt like he couldn't breathe.

 _I didn't mean to hurt him that badly…I was just so…afraid_.

Panting, he crawled over to the Dug, and checked for a pulse. Like Kitster, the Dug was alive, but barely.

Anakin's tears were falling in earnest now. He tried to wipe his eyes, but only succeeded in wiping sand in them. The stinging made him feel better, more human again.

Anakin sat there crying for what seemed like a millennium until the suns set. He had fallen into a restless sleep when he and Kitster were found not long after. He woke every few minutes, still crying and feeling sick. He threw up twice on the way back into Mos Espa.

Anakin could give the address of both his master and Kitster's without problem, and they were taken first to Watto, then to Kitster's master. Someone carried him back home to his mother, and placed him on his bed.

"Will Kitster be ok?" Anakin asked his mother in a brief moment of consciousness.

"Yes Ani…he'll be perfectly alright in a few days" his mother replied.

Shmi sat over Anakin for most of the night, stroking his hair and trying to calm her still trembling son. By early morning, she had fallen asleep next to his bed.

Anakin had finally stopped crying a few hours before dawn. His eyes simply wouldn't produce anymore tears. He quietly got up and slowly drank his water ration, before falling back into bed.

 _Isn't it self-defense when someone fights to protect themselves and their friends? That's ok isn't it?_

He tossed and turned, unable to get to sleep again.

 _It's not right to hurt slaves, just because they think we're defenseless._

After a while, his eyelids began to feel heavy.

 _They'll never hurt any slaves again_.

Anakin finally drifted off to sleep. His dreams were muddy and confused, unable to form shape until he'd been asleep for a while. Just before dawn, Anakin dreamed he was older again, in his early 20s. He was dressed in brown robes, and held a bright blue laser sword. He walked amongst slaves, releasing their bonds and pointing to a ship for them to board.

Anakin approached the group of slaves at the end. Amongst them were his mother, Wald, Kitster, and his other friends. He released their bonds, beaming down at them. They all began to scream, running in the opposite direction of the ship.

"No, wait! I can help you. Please, I'm setting you free!" Anakin shouted after them.

He looked down in despair, and was confused. Gone were the brown robes. Instead, he wore a suit of black. He felt his way up his chest and settled on his face. Instead of soft flesh, all he could feel beneath his gloves was hard metal. His heart pounded, and the lights on his chest blinked. He tried to run after his friends, but he could barely move: he was trapped in armour, the armour of the masked man.

Anakin woke, screaming.


	2. Chapter 2

Anakin's dorm room was messy. Spare parts were strewn all over his desk, his boots lay sideways next to the door, and items of clothing were piled on the desk chair.

In the absence of any room at his desk, Anakin sat on his bed, staring out of the window and eating his dinner. He preferred to eat in his room, away from the curious and sometimes spiteful eyes of the other Padawans. There were plenty of times he couldn't avoid them, but he felt it best to limit that time as much as possible.

 _Some fear me, some despise me, yet others revere me._

In his first few years at the Jedi temple, Anakin ate with the other Padawans, trying his best to make friends and be just like them. This proved quite impossible.

The boys and girls his own age had already formed their own cliques, and initially, he was only welcomed in some circles because of the rumours of his great power. As time went on, many of those who first welcomed him politely asked him to sit elsewhere.

 _They all grew up together as young children – they would never have welcomed me anyway_.

The truth was, after only a few weeks of training, Anakin was as good as most of the Padawans his own age, many of whom had been training for 4 or 5 years. After a year, he far surpassed those his own age, as well as Padawans up to 3 years older than him.

 _They envy me for my abilities._

Now, at 14, he was usually paired with Padawans in their late teens for training, most of whom were much taller and stronger than Anakin.

 _And I beat them all almost every time. In a few years, there will be no Padawans left to pair me with_.

Anakin smirked at the thought.

He was watching the sun set over the city as he ate. Lights were slowly turning on in massive skyscrapers, while the peak hour traffic was just beginning. It always amazed Anakin how many people there were on Coruscant – it was nothing like his home.

 _Home_.

Tatooine was sparsely populated, yet he hadn't been alone then. He'd had Kitster and his mother and all of his other friends.

Anakin didn't mind the time alone, however. It wasn't even that frequent, given how in demand he and Obi-Wan were for missions. But some time had to be spent at the temple. Too much solitude there led to Anakin fighting loneliness, followed by a desire to see his mother, the Chancellor, Padmé, or Obi-Wan: the only people who meant anything to him.

He'd visited the Chancellor only two days ago. It cheered Anakin up considerably to see Palpatine – he was always encouraging and full of praise. In contrast, Obi-Wan hardly ever congratulated Anakin on a job well done. His two mentors were complete opposites. Anakin didn't want to pester the Chancellor again, nor did he want to find Obi-Wan, who always seemed to be meeting with one of the council.

 _Probably talking about me_ , Anakin thought sulkily.

Anakin finished eating, and balanced his plate precariously on the nearest pile on his desk.

He then grabbed his current project: a small radio device that could theoretically transmit his voice from one planet to another. The goal of course was to develop two: one for himself, and one for his mother. He grabbed his micro-spanner and began tinkering.

Fixing things, or inventing them, always calmed Anakin. The feel of rusty metal in his hands always reminded him of his childhood.

 _Not that my childhood was particularly fun or extraordinary. Watto worked me just as hard as the Jedi do. Home just means…mother._

He sighed, and frowned at the device at his hands. Deep down, he was still the scared little boy who missed his mother.

Anakin had dreamt about his mother the other night. It was a short dream, and vivid. His mother had been travelling, leaving Mos Espa for good. Shmi had looked apprehensive as she rode in a speeder beside a rough looking man in his 50s. The dream had soon changed into Padmé, waving at him from across the sand.

Most of Anakin's dreams were vivid, but he never told anyone about them – most of them frightened him, and he didn't want to admit it. He'd had such dreams ever since he could remember, but now, with his knowledge of the Force and the visions it sometimes produced, Anakin feared what the dreams really meant.

 _Are they really just dreams, or are they real?_

The one he'd woken up from that morning had been terrifying. In the dream, he was in his early 20s. He stood in some kind of mining station, staring out over a planet burning with lava. Droids were shooting behind him, so he drew his lightsaber and struck them down. After a while, the droids turned into people, mostly Neimoidians. He struck them down with equal ferocity. The power coursing through his veins burned: he could barely stand it. He struck down foe after foe; all the while, he burned, and he couldn't breathe.

He'd woken sweaty and exhausted. He was used to waking in the night though.

Anakin's thoughts returned to the present seconds before there was a knock on the door.

"Come in, master" Anakin called, sensing Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan opened and closed the door, standing before Anakin with a practically gleeful expression.

"What is it Obi-Wan?" asked Anakin, amused by his teacher's obvious excitement.

Obi-Wan beamed at Anakin. "The council is sending us on a simple escort mission to Alderaan. We can finally get out the temple, and we get to go to a _nice_ planet for once!"

Anakin grinned back at Obi-Wan. "Well…that's great master. When do we leave?"

"In 2 days. Plenty of time for us to meet the senator we're escorting, and for you to have one more lesson with Master Yoda", Obi-Wan replied, scowling at the messy desk chair, then sitting on the end of Anakin's bed.

"Sounds good" Anakin put the radio device down, then leant back against the wall and watched Obi-Wan.

Obi-Wan looked like he wanted to say something, but seemed to be evaluating Anakin as they sat there, master and apprentice, staring at each other.

"What?" asked Anakin, annoyed

Obi-Wan ran a hand over his beard. He opened his mouth, then closed it again, much to Anakin's irritation.

"Are you ok Anakin?" Obi-Wan finally burst out. "You've been acting awfully miserably since we got back, and this hiding in your room business is frankly…"

"Is that all?" Anakin interrupted, standing up angrily and looking down at his master.

"Anakin I'm serious. I…I'm worried about you" murmured Obi-Wan, staring at his hands.

 _He never was very good at this mentoring thing_.

"What's there to worry about?" asked Anakin. Despite how much he cared about his master, Anakin could feel his temper rising. He often lashed out at Obi-Wan unintentionally.

There was a pause. "Anakin, why are you eating dinner in your room?" Obi-Wan finally asked, concern etched into the young man's face.

"What do you care?", Anakin scowled.

Obi-Wan looked uneasy as he spoke, "I just wonder if you have any friends at the temple Anakin."

Anakin stared, his mind whirring. A million different replies sped through his mind.

Could he tell Obi-Wan the truth? Anakin looked at his master, sitting there nervously, waiting for Anakin to explode with rage. He felt an immense rush of admiration for Obi-Wan.

 _Maybe I should tell him about the dreams?_

Obi-Wan sat expectantly. Anakin struggled to meet his master's eyes, instead looking down at his boots.

 _I don't want him to think I can't handle this. I CAN. I don't need anyone else._

Finally, Anakin answered.

"I have you."

Anakin knew immediately that he'd said the right thing. A smile crept across Obi-Wan's face as he looked at his apprentice. The best part was, Anakin meant it. Truly. He felt a sudden urge to sit next to his master, but he refrained, sensing the conversation was not over.

 _Obi-Wan is the father I never had…even more so than Chancellor Palpatine_. _If only I didn't have to call him master…_

"I'm glad for that Anakin. I am. You have no idea how much I've grown to care for you over the years. But…" Obi-Wan hesitated again, "are there really no Padawans your own age who you'd rather sit and talk to?"

Any affection Anakin was feeling for Obi-Wan immediately disappeared.

"None of them give a damn about me. They hate me," Anakin spat.

"Surely…"

"No Obi-Wan, they HATE me. Every last one of them. They're jealous of my abilities, of EVERYTHING. I have younglings following me around asking if they can do anything for me…because they think I'm the Chosen One. The older kids hate that too. I'm not like them, and ALL of them treat me differently. I'm nothing to them. And they're nothing to me!"

Anakin could feel tears welling up in his eyes, and blinked them away angrily. He turned from Obi-Wan, facing his desk and clenching his fists, trying to breathe deeply.

"Half the Jedi in this temple revere me, because they think I'm the Chosen One. The other half think I'm dangerous. Even…even Master Yoda…" Anakin wiped his face, trying to hide the tears.

 _I can't let this get to me. I…I have to be in control…_

Obi-Wan stood, and put a hand on Anakin's shoulder. Instinctively, Anakin flinched, pushing aside his master and retreating to his spot on the bed.

 _He doesn't even know about what really bothers me. I have to…control…_

Anakin couldn't stop the tears anymore, so he buried his face in his hands, hoping that Obi-Wan would take the hint and leave.

Anakin sensed his master sit down again, and Anakin cursed under his breath.

"Anakin I don't think they hate you. Master Yoda certainly does not hate you. The other Padawans are jealous, but I think…I think they might also be afraid of you." Obi-Wan whispered.

Anakin wiped his eyes and looked up.

"Afraid?"

"Yes. They're afraid of your skills, and if I may say so, your arrogance…"

Anakin was about to protest, but was silenced by Obi-Wan.

"They're also afraid because you are unlike any other Jedi in this temple. Indeed, you're not like any other Jedi they, or I, have ever met. I think Master Yoda fears this too." Obi-Wan spoke boldly now.

"They do hate me though," said Anakin sadly. "Maybe they're afraid too. Because I was supposedly created by the force. Because I'm 'destined' to defeat the Sith. But Master Yoda thinks I'm dangerous. He's never said it to my face but I can sense it when he looks at me. He fears my future because it's clouded". Anakin's voice was rising in volume with each word.

 _Yoda would fear me even more if he knew about my dreams._

Obi-Wan moved close to his Padawan. Anakin shuddered at the intensity of Obi-Wan's silent gaze.

"I never asked for this," Anakin whispered. "I don't want to be the Chosen One." His tears streamed unapologetically down his face now. "Sometimes…sometimes I wish I was still on Tatooine".

 _At least my masters there were honest_.

Anakin clenched his fists again, willing the tears to stop.

"Anakin…" Obi-Wan put a hand on Anakin, calming his Padawan with the touch. "No one said this life would be easy. A commitment to the Jedi order is a hard life…"

"Maybe for you, but it's unbearable for me. You have no IDEA of the burden I'm under…" Anakin felt his temper flaring up again at the words.

 _And you have no idea about the dreams._

"No. You're right of course. You have an immense burden that would make even Master Yoda afraid."

"I'm not afraid…"

"Yes you are, Anakin. Don't lie to me – you're like my brother…I know." Obi-Wan paused, and Anakin looked down, feeling ashamed. "You're afraid, and that fear turns inwards – you're angry at the Force for giving you this burden, and hate all those who try to push you towards it."

"I don't hate you." Anakin looked up again, reluctantly meeting his master's eyes. Obi-Wan was calm, fatherly, and inexplicably, it made Anakin calm too.

"Maybe not me, but most of the other Jedi. The truth is Anakin, all you're succeeding in doing is pushing people away, causing part of your own suffering. Not all of it, but some of it. Anakin, you are strong, stronger than you know. I believe you _are_ the Chosen One, but it doesn't matter what I, the other Padawans, or even Master Yoda thinks."

Anakin stared wide-eyed now. His anger was gone, and all he could feel was admiration, and love.

"What matters is that you are a good person, and you will be a powerful Jedi with the skills and compassion to save many lives. I've seen – you are always willing to risk your life for others, to the point of defying your masters." Obi-Wan paused again, smiling at his Padawan. The corners of Anakin's mouth twitched upwards, though his eyes were still sad.

"Anakin, your destiny is important, but it doesn't matter right here, right now. You don't need to fear the censure or admiration of your peers. All you need is courage, and patience."

Obi-Wan stood to leave, but Anakin grabbed his hand before he could leave.

"Thank you, Obi-Wan. I…I want to…"

Obi-Wan raised his other hand to silence him.

 _I want to tell you about my dreams…_

"Have a rest Anakin. We have a mission in a few days, and you'll have to wake early tomorrow to get a good seat in the breakfast hall". Obi-Wan smiled, withdrew his hand, and walked out the door.

Anakin sat back again, mind racing. He ran his hand through his hair, and took deep breaths. The sun was long gone, and the city lights twinkled brightly on the other side of his window.

 _I love you, Obi-Wan. If only I could tell you about the dreams_.


	3. Chapter 3

Anakin shivered, not for the first time. The suns were only just rising over the dunes, but Anakin was already sweating all over. He held his lightsaber limply in his hand, as he'd stood for the last half hour at least.

Anakin felt both numb and immensely agitated. His body was tense, with the exception of his hands – his right held his lightsaber, while the fingers of his left hand drummed against the side of his body in a frantic rhythm.

 _I can't think about it. I must not._

On the ground around him lay corpses. At least 100 of them.

There were men. Women. Children.

 _I'm a Jedi. I should be better than this…_

Masks covered their faces, but it did not make them seem any less real.

 _I…I killed them…it was me…_

Anakin clenched his jaw, and finally moved. He was on the edge of the camp, but he needed to find his mother and go back to Padmé and the Lars's.

 _Padmé. She can't know…if she knew…_

Anakin stepped gingerly over the corpses, each body he saw sending a wave of guilt, nausea and despair over him.

 _What would mother have said?_

Anakin had to pause outside the hut his mother lay in. He threw up for the third time that morning, the bile burning his throat on its way up. He was careful not to vomit on any of the corpses.

 _As if somehow defiling them is worse than killing them_.

Spitting and wiping his mouth, Anakin entered the hut.

In the low light, Shmi Skywalker could have been sleeping. It was only when Anakin took a step forward that it became agonisingly clear that she was dead, and had been in great pain before her death.

 _I wasn't strong enough to save her. I failed._

Anakin covered the body of his mother, lifted her, then took her to the speeder bike. After ensuring that his mother was secure, Anakin looked out over the Tusken camp once more.

The ground below was littered with corpses. In a feeble attempt at self-justification, Anakin tried to convince himself that it was justice.

 _I killed those who hurt my mother. They paid the price – no one harms those I love_.

Revolted by his own thoughts, Anakin turned away from the speeder – he couldn't face Padmé and his step-family just yet.

Anakin walked, completely unaware of where he was going. He was exhausted from lack of sleep, but walking seemed like the only thing he could think of to do to pass the time. The suns were up in earnest now, their scorching heat bearing down and making Anakin sweatier than he already was. The heat of Tatooine was oppressive, like a master suffocating his slave.

 _I was supposedly freed from this place – allowed to leave the life of slavery forever. I just traded one master for another, and left my mother alone_.

The second Anakin thought it, he regretted it. Obi-Wan was hardly a slaver – he was irritating and jealous at times, but deep down Anakin knew that Obi-Wan loved him. The love Anakin had for his master was almost as strong as the love for his mother, or even Padmé.

 _Obi-Wan would never have done something like this_.

The Jedi had strict laws about everything – especially attachment. Attachment was forbidden for Jedi. He was barely allowed to have any love for his master let alone anyone else in the galaxy.

Such inflexible rules meant that Anakin never got the chance visit his mother, even after he'd won enough money for the trip in the illegal pod and swoop bike races he so frequently competed in.

 _Obi-Wan wouldn't even let me go to the council – he knew they'd say no._

 _It's the Jedis' fault she's dead. If I'd been able to see her sooner…_

Anakin kicked a nearby rock cluster, sending a shooting pain up his leg. His tears had dried out during the night as he slew Tusken Raider after Tusken Raider, but he felt a flood of sadness all the same. Sighing, Anakin continued wandering.

 _It's why I should be with Padmé. If she is ever in danger, I would know, and I could save her._

Anakin's footsteps took him towards a rocky outcrop. He was far away from the Tusken Camp now, but he could still seem to smell burning. He could sense that Tusken Raiders often spent time in the area.

 _Not any more…_

Anakin stopped abruptly.

 _What if she finds out? Or…what if Obi-Wan finds out?_

He knew exactly what would happen if Obi-Wan knew the truth. Anakin's master would have to tell the council, who would expel him in an instant. Genocide was hardly considered appropriate for a Jedi.

Anakin shivered.

 _Would expulsion be so bad?_

Anakin sat gloomily. He removed his boots one at a time and tried to empty the sand from them.

As he whacked his boot against the rock beside him, Anakin's thoughts drifted. He imagined being with Padmé. They sat together by the lake, just as they had only a few days ago. Instead of wearing Jedi robes, Anakin wore simple garb of a Naboo guard. Padmé was smiling down at the baby girl in her arms, and Anakin was brimming with happiness. He stroked the baby's face, relishing in the soft touch. On Anakin's other side was a large basket, where another baby, a boy, slept quietly.

Anakin woke from his vision to the roar of the now riderless banthas down in the camp. Anakin hastily put his boots back on, jumped up from his seat and ran full pelt towards his speeder.

 _They won't touch my mother_.

Anakin couldn't stop thinking about his imaginings as he ran – was it a dream, or a true vision?

Either way, leaving the Jedi order could not possibly be simple. They might not let him go at all, regardless of what he did. The council would only expel him if they absolutely had to. After all, he was supposed to be the chosen one. The Jedi would consider him a threat if he didn't belong to them, in case he fell to the dark side.

 _And if Padmé or our children were ever in trouble, how could I protect them? They'd be in danger, and I wouldn't be able to save them…just like what happened to mother._

The speeder bike was finally in sight. The banthas down in the camp seemed to be trying to find a way up the cliff face, to no avail. Their roars echoed throughout the silence of the desert.

 _One day, I'll learn to stop death in its tracks._

Checking that his mother's body was secure, Anakin mounted the speeder bike and sped off, away from the banthas, away from the Tusken Raiders, and away his failure.

* * *

Anakin toyed with the shifter. He'd barely spoken a word since he'd arrived back to the Lars's moisture farm. Instead, he sat in the tech room, fiddling with spare parts and ignoring everyone – including Padmé. The spanner felt heavy in his hands, much heavier than his lightsaber.

 _At least a spanner cannot kill_.

His thoughts kept wandering back to images of the Tusken Raiders, falling by his lightsaber. All he could see in his mind's eye were children, dead at his feet. Even the vision of Padmé and their children was far at the back of his mind.

Anakin shuddered, gulping down the bile he felt rising in his throat.

 _I killed them all_. _Am I now as much of a monster as they were?_

He couldn't keep the spanner steady; his hands were shaking too much. Giving up, he gently placed the spanner beside the shifter and began pacing, in an attempt to release some of his nervous energy.

Every moment he thought of the Tusken Raiders, and what they'd done to his mother, he grew sweatier and clammier, while his heart pounded and he felt ill. Not even Padmé's kind words seemed to be able to help.

They'd barely spoken since he got back.

 _I waited all this time to be with her, and I can't even speak with her without feeling sick_.

Anakin also hadn't slept since they'd been on Naboo. He felt shaky and groggy, unable to do much more than fiddle with things in the tech room – he was unlikely to be able to fix anything in the state he was in.

Anakin felt someone coming towards the little workshop. Hesitantly, he returned to the shifter, pretending to be engrossed.

"I brought you something"

Anakin looked up to see Padmé, resplendent in her blue dress. Her hair fell lightly on her shoulders, natural, just as Anakin liked it. He stared for what seemed like an age, before mumbling about the shifter.

 _She's here. And she cares_.

Anakin thought back to his vision of the day before. Could they ever be together like that?

 _Not if she knew the truth. If she knew what I did…how I failed. I failed my mother, I failed Obi-Wan, and I even failed myself_.

He closed his eyes, and took a few deep breaths.

 _But we can't be together if she doesn't know. I can't let her be with me if she doesn't know…_

Anakin felt himself talking, but he was barely conscious. All he could feel was the gnawing sensation in his stomach – the knowledge that he essentially committed genocide, while before him stood the most kind, intelligent, and beautiful woman he had ever known.

 _I didn't mean to kill them. I was just so…I should have saved her…_

"You're not all powerful, Ani"

 _The Jedi. Obi-Wan. They failed me. They could have let me come, but they didn't_.

Anger seemed to rise in him again, washing over him like molten fire. He could feel himself yelling at Padmé, unintentionally. Anakin's fingers twitched, and he struggled to stay composed as tears were forcing their way into his eyes again. He was seething with rage.

 _I'm glad the raiders suffered. For my mother. I shouldn't have…but…I couldn't save her…_

"What's wrong Ani?" Padmé's look of distress brought him back to the present.

 _It's now or never_.

The words seemed to come out without conscious thought again. But this time it was different. Instead of agitated chatter, he felt spoke with conviction.

"I…I killed them. I killed them all. They're dead. Every single one of them. And not just the men…but the women…and the children too. They're like animals…and I slaughtered them like animals…I HATE them!"

The emotions he had bottled up over the last day were spewing forth. Anguish, a perceived sense of justice, and guilt escaped into the air. Lingering. Padmé stood quietly, accepting the tormented words that escaped Anakin's lips.

 _All I ever wanted was to be the best Jedi I could be._

Anakin felt different. The guilt still churned in his stomach, but there was a new emotion, a starker, more simple emotion. Fear.

 _I can't ever be the kind of Jedi I always dreamed of. Not even the worst of the council have a temper like mine. The Jedi do not seek revenge – they are selfless and kind._

 _I'm not like them. I'm not like Obi-Wan. But I must try…_

Padmé had his arms around Anakin, holding him close. She was shaking slightly, but seemed more focused on him than what he'd said.

 _I must not do anything like this again. For Padmé._

In the warmth of Padmé's arms, Anakin felt almost at peace. His eyes were heavy, and he could feel himself drifting off to sleep.

 _If only I could be more like Obi-Wan._


	4. Chapter 4

"I'm just so fed up with all of this Obi-Wan. I'd rather a straight fight to constantly chasing Dooku and Grievous around the galaxy"

Anakin paced around the communicator. He had been feeling on edge for the last few days, which wasn't helped by the lack of action in the last few weeks. It wasn't that Anakin liked being in danger per se, but at least it made him feel useful.

 _And to take my mind off Padmé_

Anakin hadn't seen his wife in months. She was off being political on Coruscant, while he was stuck in the Outer Rim, fighting off the separatists and trying to find Count Dooku or General Grievous – preferably both. Anakin couldn't communicate with Padmé without arousing suspicion, so they were forced apart, as always.

 _She was probably right all those years ago. This is destroying us._

"Anakin are you even listening to me?" Obi-Wan's voice sang over the communicator.

"Sorry, Master."

"I just wish you'd listen Anakin." Obi-Wan looked kind and contemplative as he spoke with his old Padawan. "You look tired."

Anakin slowed his pace, looking up at the communicator's projection of Obi-Wan.

"I'm fine."

Obi-Wan nodded. "Anyway. I'm sure you're aware that these Outer Rim planets are very important. Losing one of them could turn the tide of the war against us."

 _Of course I know how important these planets are. Does he really think I don't?_

"At any rate," he continued, "I sense the war is coming to a close."

Anakin stopped pacing at this.

"I've sensed it too, Obi-Wan".

Obi-Wan stroked his beard, letting out a thoughtful sigh. "If we have both sensed it, then we are probably right. Take heart in that Anakin".

A foreign beep sounded through the communicator, and Obi-Wan turned around to look for the source. "I'm off Anakin. Try not to get too bored – I might need you and your fleet later."

The communicator cut off, eliminating the soft blue light and darkening the room.

Anakin sighed. He felt like Obi-Wan was becoming more patronising with each passing day, but Anakin still preferred talking with his old master to sitting all alone in his quarters.

With no one left to talk to, Anakin decided that the gnawing sensation he felt in his stomach must be hunger, so he set off for the canteen. A dull ache was settling in his head, and Anakin rubbed his eyes as he walked.

As much as he liked flying, Anakin found the star cruiser claustrophobic. He much preferred a smaller fighter, one that he could enter and leave at will. The endless grey corridors were like a maze. He was trapped, and unable to escape unless Obi-Wan or the other Jedi called on him.

 _I thought being a Jedi meant saving people…being free to do as I chose. I'm just a slave again._

"General Skywalker! You look exhausted." Rex called out from the other end of one of the corridors.

"Thanks Rex."

"I'm serious General. You look like you could use a few days of sleep" Rex announced as he jogged up to Anakin.

"I'm fine Rex. Really. I'm going to go get some food then see if I can rest for a few hours before Obi-Wan calls". Anakin's mind was fuzzy, and he couldn't tell if his words made sense. He _was_ very tired.

"I'll get someone to send up some food. Go get some shut eye – we'll wake you as soon as General Kenobi sends a signal".

Anakin sensed there was no point in arguing. Despite their behaviour augmentation, the clones could be very stubborn.

"Fine. I'll see you later Rex".

"See you General".

Anakin twisted his way through the labyrinth of corridors, wondering if somehow they all knew. Both Obi-Wan and Rex seemed able to tell that he hadn't been sleeping well of late.

 _Maybe it's weakness they sense_.

After climbing a few stairs, Anakin finally made his way to his quarters. They were relatively comfortable – certainly not as comfortable as his home with Padmé, but better than the cramped dorm where he'd spent his years in the Jedi Temple.

Anakin missed Padmé terribly. Whenever they were apart, Anakin felt an ache in his chest that spread throughout his body, making him feel cold and alone. The feeling had been worse lately, most likely because of the dreams, and the loss of his Padawan.

 _At least when Ahsoka was here I had someone to hang out with…to talk with._

Anakin missed Ahsoka too. It seemed ridiculous to think how little he'd wanted a Padawan in the first place, but Ahsoka had grown on him. She was as stubborn as he was, but youthful, and seemingly care free.

 _But now she's gone. All because of the council. They didn't trust her, as they don't trust me_.

Anakin sat on his bed and rubbed his eyes again. He felt bored, irritable and distressed when he was awake, but sleep brought the nightmares. As a result, he spent less time sleeping than he ought to, and spent more time brooding about Padmé, the council and Ahsoka.

What scared him most about his constant frustration was how powerful it made him feel. The few times he had been able to escape the ship and destroy some droids, he had fought with a fury that coursed through his veins like molten fire. Even Obi-Wan had noticed that he was growing more and more powerful by the day.

 _Is it a good thing? Or is there something wrong?_

Anakin struggled to hide the delight that he was that much stronger than Obi-Wan, but at the same time, something about it didn't seem quite right.

 _It feels much like that day…with the Tusken Raiders…_

He shuddered. Nothing felt quite right in truth. Not only was Anakin stronger than he had any right to be and feeling constantly lonely and tense, he, like Obi-Wan, could sense that the war was drawing to a close.

The dull ache in his head seemed to spread as Anakin yawned. He hadn't slept for about 40 hours.

Theoretically the end of the war was a good thing, but Anakin wasn't so sure. His dreams had been plaguing him with doubt. All he could feel in the future was great pain and suffering. It seemed to be drawing closer with each passing day, inching forward, smothering him with anxiety.

 _It's nothing. Pain could mean any number of things_.

The end of the war would mean more time with Padmé, but that too made Anakin shiver.

 _I don't know how much longer we can be apart…and I don't know how much longer we can keep up this pretence._

Ever since Ahsoka had left, the thought of leaving the Jedi Order seemed more and more conceivable. If the war ended and they killed Count Dooku, the galaxy would be at peace. Chancellor Palpatine would put the systems back in line and the Jedi would hunt for the last Sith.

 _They need me for that though – my skills are a match for Master Yoda and Master Windu by now. They won't let me leave just yet while I can still do their dirty work_.

 _Plus there's the prophecy…_

Anakin clenched his fists as a wave of pain shot through his head. The prophecy which had changed his life – for better or for worse he could not say. It seemed like such a long time ago that Qui-Gonn had first mentioned it and he'd been swept up in the excitement of becoming a Jedi.

 _And I left my mother all alone on Tatooine._

He didn't know back then what the Jedi were capable of. Many were kind, like Obi-Wan. Even Master Yoda had his moments. But they could be cruel.

 _They would never let me stay with Padmé if they knew about us. And there was what they did to Ahsoka…_

Anakin could feel his eyes drooping, and the ache in his head seemed to spread from behind his eyes all through his brain. Anakin lay down, and stared up at the ceiling.

 _I will kill the last Sith, although I couldn't care less what the prophecy says. Then…_

He gulped, struggling to form the thought in his mind. Thinking it through in this way made it almost seem real.

 _I'll leave the Jedi, and be with Padmé forever._

His mind was going fuzzy again. A wave of pain shot through his head, and he grunted. The lack of sleep was finally catching up on him, and Anakin rolled on his side and closed his eyes.

He fell asleep to the thought of no responsibilities, no rules…just Padmé.

* * *

Anakin shot up. His head was still aching and he held it in his hands, trying hard to shake the nightmare.

 _It's just a dream. It wasn't real…_

He had dreamt that he and Padmé were standing on a landing platform. The light around them was a deep orange. He felt hot and sticky, and he felt _angry_. Padmé was crying, the tears spilling from her eyes and running down her cheeks. Her hands rested on her belly, which was swelled large with a pregnancy.

Anakin wiped his brow, which was drenched with sweat.

 _It wasn't real. It wasn't real. It wasn't real…_

Padmé had been backing away from him, eyes wide with fear. She shook her head, and spoke. The words she'd said in the dream were echoing through his head, sending waves of agony through his chest.

"Anakin, you're breaking my heart"

"NO". Anakin shouted. He stood feverishly and kicked his bed, seething with fury and terror.

 _It wasn't real…_

It was a few seconds before he realised that his communicator was beeping. He looked towards it, astounded that he'd not noticed it.

 _That's what woke me. It was just a dream…_

He turned it on, braced to hear what he was sure was bad news.

"About time Anakin." Obi-Wan's voice was almost soothing.

"Sorry Obi-Wan. I was sleeping." Anakin rubbed his eyes, and tried to take a few deep breaths. His heart was still pounding from the dream.

 _It wasn't real._

"It seems you're in luck – we are going back to Coruscant."

"What? Why?" Anakin was alert now.

 _I can see Padmé. It's been months…_

"It seems the Chancellor has been captured by Count Dooku. You and I are going to rescue him."

Anakin felt a sense of foreboding that he wasn't sure was related to the capture of his mentor. His heart was still pounding, and his fingers twitched.

"Well I'll see you there Obi-Wan."

"Goodbye Anakin."

The communicator shut off.

 _It was just a dream. THIS is real – the war might be nearly over_.

 _I'll be able to be with Padmé. Everything will work out._


	5. Chapter 5

Orange light bathed the council chamber as the sun set over Coruscant. Anakin paced back and forth, his body casting a shadow on the patterned floor.

 _How could I not realise? A SITH. Palpatine._

Chancellor Palpatine – the Sith lord – had just told him the truth. After all these years, after all the trust Anakin put in his mentor…only to find out that he was the enemy he had been searching for.

 _The enemy that I am supposed to destroy_.

Anakin rubbed his temples, grimacing with the headache he could feel building. He got a lot of headaches. Master Windu was long gone, with Masters Fisto, Tiin, and Kolar.

 _They'll be no match for him. I could feel his power_.

 _Master Windu should have let me come_.

It wasn't just arrogance – Anakin was one of the greatest Jedi ever trained. He could get carried away with his overconfidence at times, true, but he knew for certain that without him, Master Windu and the others would not win. Anakin felt a wave of nausea pass over him.

 _But do I really want them to?_

Anakin stopped pacing at the window. Across the city, past the speeders and tall buildings, he could see Padmé's building, the Naboo embassy. Despite his headache, Anakin could sense hundreds of things in the city in front of him. Of late, he had been finding it hard to control the immense power of the Force that flowed through him. He felt not only physically stronger, but mentally. He could sense a man crying in the speeder going past, and a group of dugs at least a kilometre away, excited about something.

For a second, Anakin even thought he might have sensed Padmé in her apartment, staring out at the Jedi Temple, just as he was staring out at her. The force flowed through him like waves in a storm, spreading through his limbs and giving him a nervous energy that would not abate.

 _If Palpatine dies, so does Padmé._

Anakin didn't bother to wipe the tear he felt running down his cheek. No one would be in the council room until the Sith's defeat – no one would see.

 _If I was with them, I could defeat him. But I don't want to. I want…_

 _What do I want?_

There was a reason why Master Windu didn't bring him along. There had to be. The Jedi master knew that Anakin could defeat Palpatine, but left him behind. Particularly curious given Mace Windu's obvious knowledge of the prophecy.

 _It's because he doesn't trust me to do what must be done_.

But what had to be done? Palpatine had to be disarmed, so that he could face the courts. Those were the rules.

 _Maybe Master Windu thought I'd go too far, like I did with Count Dooku. Or maybe it's the opposite…_

Either way, Master Windu didn't trust him for anything. Not for the mission on Utapau, not for even reporting back to him about the Chancellor.

 _Jedi like Mace Windu are barely a shadow of how a Jedi is supposed to be._

It didn't matter though. If Master Windu could defeat Palpatine, then Padmé would die, and there was nothing Anakin could do.

Anakin looked away from the apartment. His mind was buzzing, though he knew the room was completely silent. It was already starting to darken, and Anakin felt a tightness in his chest, spreading tension throughout his body.

 _I already lost my mother. And Ahsoka. I have to save Padmé. Whatever the cost._

Far away from Palpatine's office, Anakin could somehow sense that something was going wrong there.

 _Something is about to happen. I can feel it…_

Before he was even aware of it, Anakin felt his body turn to the direction of the door, his legs beating the ground hard, sending echoes through the room, and breaking Anakin's erratic thoughts.

 _If I can at least be there, to make sure that Master Windu can defeat him, and that he follows the proper protocols…_

Anakin sped down a corridor and down the stairs, racing past younglings and bemused Jedi. He barely knew where he was going, or how he was going to get there, but his legs knew. They knew the Jedi Temple better than anywhere else – even his cruiser. Anakin subconsciously sprinted to the hanger for a speeder.

Half way up the last flight of stairs, Anakin crashed hard into something. He fell forward, but twisted at the last second to remain upright. Behind him was a child – a youngling. The boy was no more than 6 or 7 years old, and sprawled on the floor at the bottom of the stairs, a few down from where Anakin bowled him over.

Anakin checked his watch anxiously, and glanced towards the hanger doors, which were close now. The boy groaned slightly as he sat up, and Anakin reluctantly turned back towards him.

"Are you alright Master? Sorry I don't know your name…and sorry I wasn't looking where I was going…I'll be more mindful…"

The boy stood up shakily, his blue eyes staring widely up at Anakin. He had sandy blonde hair and a round face, and Anakin relaxed for a moment.

"My name is Anakin Skywalker. And don't worry – it was my fault, I ran into you", Anakin said, rocking on his feet nervously and giving the child his best charming smile. "What's your name little one?"

 _I can't let them think there's anything wrong…even though everything feels wrong…_

The youngling's eyes lit up, and he seemed to forget his fall momentarily.

"I'm Sors, Master Skywalker. Sors Bandeam."

The child was young, younger than Anakin had been when he came to the temple. Anakin couldn't help but let his fake smile turn into a real one as he looked down on the youngling. For an instant, the fear of Padmé's death and the uncertainty of the future was gone.

 _Maybe I don't have to go. Maybe this feeling isn't bad…maybe it's good change…_

Anakin pictured himself with Padmé, standing on either side of two children, a boy, who looked not unlike Sors, and a girl, who looked like a miniature Padmé, but with a cocky grin that was reminiscent of Ahsoka. Anakin and his wife were laughing, smiling down at their children. The picture started to grow dark, the weather turning to a storm.

 _No_.

Padmé was struck down, unmoving, while the children ran through the rain, far away, each towards a different destination. The girl ran to a smoking ruin, while the boy ran towards a desert. Anakin held his wife in his arms, screaming…

 _Padmé. Our children. I have to stop this…_

"Master Skywalker, are you alright?" Sors asked, his brow slightly furrowed. "Is there anything I can do?"

Anakin's smile was gone, and realised he had been staring at the boy. He was shaking as he woke from his vision.

 _So many visions. I can't take this anymore…_

"Sors, I have to go. I'm sorry. Have…have a good day little one. Sorry for running into you". Anakin ruffled the boy's hair before speeding off in the direction of the hanger again.

 _I don't have a choice_.


	6. Chapter 6

"What have I done?"

Anakin stared at the spot he last saw Master Windu. Hardly aware of what he was doing, Anakin collapsed onto something behind him. He felt completely empty, drained of all thought and energy. The flash of the force lightning was still burned into his eyes, and he dropped his lightsabre to the floor as he collapsed.

 _It doesn't matter. I don't need it. I'm not a Jedi any more…_

Anakin suddenly understood why Master Windu didn't think he should come to kill Palpatine. Anakin wasn't to be trusted.

 _I have failed_.

The creature that was apparently Palpatine stirred from the window ledge. His face was disfigured and lined, giving him an alien appearance that under any other circumstances, Anakin would have shuddered at.

 _Forgive me Padmé…Obi-Wan…Ahsoka…Mother…_

Anakin was used to crying, but now, no tears fell. His eyes would not oblige, regardless of the stinging dryness that filled them.

 _What have I done…what do I do now…?_

"You are fulfilling your destiny, Anakin", the Sith lord said, finally standing above him menacingly. Long gone was the kind-faced Chancellor Palpatine, who had guided Anakin throughout his years at the Jedi Temple.

 _Then why do I feel like my whole destiny has just been destroyed?_

From Padawan to Jedi Knight, Palpatine had always been there for him. Anakin shuddered, finally feeling like his body might possibly be attached to his brain.

 _Palpatine is gone. I killed Master Windu. I…what have I done?_

Anakin sluggishly tried to consider his options. If he could get his lightsabre off the floor quickly enough, he could kill Palpatine where he stood in an instant, and tell the council that Palpatine had killed Master Windu.

 _They'd never believe it. Obi-Wan and Master Yoda would see right through me. And Padmé…_

Palpatine was the only one who could teach Anakin how save Padmé. To think that barely a month ago, Anakin had been considering leaving the Jedi order to be with his wife and child.

 _She'll die. THEY'LL die. I don't know what to do…_

Anakin had no idea what he was feeling. The numbness came and went in waves. One moment, he felt detached and dissociated, the next he felt a burning rage and fear.

 _I shouldn't have come. I wouldn't have come if it wasn't for Padmé._

A wave of fury washed over Anakin, and he clenched his fists for a few seconds.

 _If it wasn't for the council, I could have researched how to save Padmé…been free to come and go…raised our child AND protected the galaxy. But I couldn't…and now…_

Anakin's eyes dropped from the brightly lit city, that still moved as if nothing had happened, to the ground at Palpatine's feet. He couldn't bear to look at his former mentor. Not yet.

"Become my apprentice, learn the ways of the dark side of the force"

Instead of fury, Anakin felt a wave of cold surge through his body. His face drained of colour as the numbness finally subsided.

 _No. He's evil. I'm not…_

Images of dead Tusken Raiders at his feet came to his mind, as well as every instance of hate or anger he had ever felt, and every act of cruelty or aggression he had ever performed.

 _I've only ever done_ _those things for others. The Tusken Raiders, for Mother…that group of dugs, for Kitster…Master Windu…for Padmé._

Anakin looked up at the disgusting, twisted form of Palpatine.

 _This is his true form. He is twisted inside and out._

He used to feel admiration for Palpatine, now, he felt only fear and disgust. Either way, Anakin couldn't bring himself to pick up his lightsabre. He had already killed an important Jedi Master today – he couldn't kill one of his only remaining friends and mentors…regardless of what they had become.

The Jedi would never take him back anyway. Even if Anakin somehow found a way to leave, right then, the Jedi or Palpatine would catch up with him. Killing Master Windu was a crime too great to go unpunished. And Palpatine was clearly in need of a new apprentice.

 _That's probably why he told me to kill Count Dooku_.

Anakin knew that not even Obi-Wan would be able to help him. Even if his master wanted to help.

Now that the numbness had subsided, Anakin noticed he was shivering, but sweat was beading his face and palms.

 _If I don't accept, he will kill me, and Padme will_ die.

Anakin took a deep breath, and clenched his fists.

"I will do whatever you…ask"

Anakin gulped. Palpatine smiled, but his eyes furrowed slightly, seemingly distrustful of the young man before him.

 _I'm being torn apart. I have to save_ _Padmé and our child…_

The Jedi would no longer accept him. He didn't have a choice. There was nowhere left to run. Nowhere left to hide. Obi-Wan would not help him. Not even Padmé would accept him if she knew the truth.

 _At least the Chancellor trusts me. Mace Windu didn't...though perhaps for good reason._

"Good." Palpatine spoke with a dark, breathy voice that seemed to scratch his eardrums.

 _I won't let anything happen to_ _Padmé or our child_ _. I won't let that happen._

The words seemed to form more quickly in Anakin's mind, and they spilled out before he had time to think. Every fibre in his being was screaming for him to stop, to run, or to jump out the window.

"Just help me save Padmé's life. I can't live without her…"

"To cheat death is power that only one has achieved. But, if we work together, I know we can discover the secret"

 _He doesn't even know…but no…no turning back now. There's nothing else…_

Anakin brought himself to the ground, gritting his teeth and trying to move around the sweat that stuck all his clothes to his body.

"I…I pledge myself…"

 _I can't do this. I can't…_

Anakin gulped, trying to keep eye contact with the terrifying creature before him.

"…to your teachings."

Anakin bowed his head. The tears were finally starting to form, and they dripped down his nose one by one. Above him, Palpatine's voice sounded grotesquely joyful. Anakin barely took in a word of what his new master said.

 _Master. First a slave to the Hutts, then to Watto, then to the Jedi. And now…? I will never escape_.

Palpatine's voice echoed through Anakin's head as he mindlessly walked out of the office. He felt numb again, and he could barely piece together what had just transpired. Anakin knew he was told to go to the Jedi and kill them all…or they would attack and kill the senators. Palpatine seemed to know exactly the right course of action to prevent his downfall.

 _He had planned this all along_.

* * *

Having clone troopers marching behind him was not unusual, but Anakin felt a great sense of fear as he approached the Jedi temple. It rose before him like an impenetrable fortress, and Anakin raised the hood of his cloak in an attempt to hide his face.

 _I must do this. For Padmé._

His muscles screamed at him to stop, but Anakin continued up the stairs, hand clenched around the lightsabre he had put together all those years ago.

 _The visions I saw in the cave pointed to this. Every bad dream…I should have seen…_

The clone troopers continued to march behind him, perfectly in time and not saying a word.

 _I wish Obi-Wan was here. He could kill me now and stop this. I can't do this…_

Anakin stopped at the door, noting the Jedi moving through the corridor before him. A few of them stopped also, eyeing him and the clone troopers behind him with unease. They could sense that something was wrong, just as Anakin could sense their apprehension.

 _For Padmé. No turning back now_.

Anakin turned to the clone troopers, and signalled for them to go forward. They marched around him, through the door, and began to shoot. Anakin watched them troop into the temple, and sensed Jedi begin to fall. Wiping back one last tear, Anakin entered too.

 _These were the Jedi I ran past only this morning…_

The clones killed Jedi masters and Padawans alike – most of the more powerful Jedi were away at the outer rim on missions. Anakin struck where he had to, but mostly followed along behind, keeping an eye out for Jedi trying to escape.

Anakin found himself outside the Jedi council chamber, looking down below at the clones making quick work of the remaining Jedi. On the other side of the door, Anakin could sense a group of younglings. Fear flowed through Anakin.

 _There's no escape for them. They've picked a room with only one door…_

Clones were making their way slowly up the stairs towards the Jedi living quarters. Anakin had already defeated most of the Jedi on the landing where he stood.

 _I could sneak them out, if I distracted the clones and they ran…_

Anakin suppressed a sob of frustration. There was no escape for any other Jedi. There was no chance of escape for these younglings either.

Below him, a clone trooper shot a teenage padawan, who was crying as she glanced at the Jedi beside her, presumably her fallen master. The trooper's laughter echoed up the stairs, as he continued to shoot, avoiding vital organs so that the padawan cried out in pain.

Anakin turned away, disgusted. Other clone troopers took no care of where they stepped, walking all over fallen Jedi, and hardly caring.

As Anakin stared at the door to the council chamber again, a vision appeared before him, and he recoiled in horror. The masked man that so often haunted his childhood dreams stood boldly in front of the door. His suit of armour was black and terrifying, but instead of a red lightsabre of a sith, he held a blue lightsabre.

 _Wait…no…_

The masked man began to remove his helmet, and Anakin's heart started pounding in fear. He shut his eyes, letting the tears spill onto his cheeks.

 _It's not real. In times of stress people imagine things that aren't there…_

Anakin repeated this to himself half a dozen times before opening his eyes. There was nothing there. He pushed back the thought that Jedi don't imagine things that aren't there – they see visions.

 _I have to save_ _Padmé. Nothing else matters_.

He stared at the door again, sensing the terrified younglings inside. Anakin gulped. Every thought and justification he had seemed more ridiculous than the last, but he could not escape the magnitude of what he had to do.

 _If I don't do this, these younglings will suffer even more._

 _But they're lucky. At least they will escape from this fallen universe_.

Anakin took a deep breath, started forward, and opened the door.

The younglings were hiding behind the council chairs, and Anakin could sense their fear. After a second, a few of them emerged, led by a sandy haired boy.

 _No. Sors…_

"Master Skywalker, they're too many of them. What are we going to do?"

Anakin choked on a suppressed sob. His lightsabre arm quivered.

"Master Skywalker, why are you crying?" asked another child, a female Togruta.

 _Do not hesitate. Show no mercy…_

Anakin closed his eyes, and took a deep breath.

"Run", he whispered, as he activated his lightsabre.

 _I have become everything I ever wished to destroy._

 _I'm sorry Padmé. I'm sorry mother...Obi-Wan...Ahsoka...Sors..._

 _I failed._


	7. Chapter 7

Pain.

All Anakin could feel was pain.

He wished he was dead.

Anakin was face down on the ground, hardly able to breathe. He coughed to clear his mouth of dirt, but couldn't help letting out a moan.

His whole body was in agony. He couldn't feel his left arm, or his legs.

 _There's nothing left of me. He's going to kill me…_

He screamed, pain coursing through his body. He felt sick, and light headed. All he wanted was to pass out, but the pain seemed to keep him present.

 _I'm being punished. I should have known…_

Anakin screamed again, then looked up at his former master. Obi-Wan had tears in his eyes that matched those that fell down Anakin's own cheeks. He had never seen his master look so tortured. Obi-Wan's expression was a mix of guilt and depression, as he stared down at Anakin's wretched remains.

 _Kill me. Please Obi-Wan._

"You were the chosen one! It was said that you would destroy the sith, not join them!"

 _I never wanted this…_

Anakin could barely move, but even through the pain, his chest heaved with suppressed despair.

 _Kill me. Protect Padmé for me._

"You were meant to bring balance to the force, not leave it in darkness!"

 _I'm sorry Obi-Wan. Please…kill me._

Anakin tried to move again, but only succeeded in sending waves of pain through his body. He tried to speak, but no sound could escape his lips. His throat was parched and sore. He had to speak – he had to tell his master.

 _Kill me. Protect Padmé, and our child. Kill me._

 _I can't live like this._

Obi-Wan turned, and began to walk away. He bent down and picked up Anakin's lightsaber.

 _Kill me. It's all I deserve anyway. Please…_

With so little of his body left, he couldn't stay where he was on the incline. He could slowly feel himself sliding down, towards the lava. He reached out with his one remaining hand, trying to pull himself back up, but it was no use.

Anakin let out another scream as Obi-Wan kept walking.

 _He isn't coming down. He isn't going to kill me…_

Somewhere, up on the landing platform, Anakin could sense his wife. She was awake, and alive, but not moving.

 _I can't believe I hurt her. What has happened to me?_

He screamed again, trying to make Obi-Wan hear and see.

 _You have to kill me. You have to save Padmé and our baby…_

Anakin finally found his voice, scratchy and inhuman though it was.

"I HATE YOU," he screamed, anguish washing through him as he cried out to his master, whom really, he loved.

 _I can't live like this Obi-Wan. You know that._

 _Why can't I just die?_

Obi-Wan stood above him, the image of noble and good. Anakin lay in the dirt, barely alive, barely even conscious. He was still sliding slowly down the incline, unable to find anything to grab onto.

"You were my brother Anakin. I loved you."

Anakin's eyes filled with tears.

 _What have I done?_

The truth was, Anakin hadn't meant to do all that he'd done. All he wanted was to save Padmé and get revenge on the Jedi council for their dealings with himself and Ahsoka. But it had all gone too far. He had started blindly following orders, killing wherever Palpatine told him to.

 _I have failed._

Anakin gasped as the dirt around him faded into a vision. He was standing on the landing platform again. This time, instead of attacking his wife, Anakin broke down in tears. Padmé approached him fearfully, before putting his arm around him.

"I'm so sorry", his dream-self whispered.

Padmé tried to comfort him, but it was Obi-Wan, standing high on the ship's ramp, that made Anakin look up. Light glowed softly behind him, and he stood with his hands on his hips. After a second of looking, Obi-Wan's arms lowered. He slowly walked down the ramp towards Anakin.

As he finally approached, Obi-Wan crouched down to where Anakin was sobbing on the floor.

"I forgive you", he said.

 _No_.

Searing pain returned as the vision ended.

 _It's too late. That could never be. Could never have been. Obi-Wan please…Padmé…_

The remains of his legs felt warmer, and Anakin could feel Padmédrifting off into a terrified sleep as he looked up at his master pleadingly.

He let up another scream as he felt the fire lick up his leg. He screamed in terror as well as agony.

 _Please no. Not like this..._

 _PLEASE OBI-WAN_

His mental cries were of no use. Fire engulfed his body, and Anakin could not see from pain. His lungs burned, and he could not breathe. He gasped, and only succeeded in breathing in more of the red hot air. All the while, his body turned to ashes.

 _Let me die. Please just let me die…_

He could sense Obi-Wan's mental pain, and his heart wrenched in response. Anakin's own pain burned through him. In one last attempt, Anakin reached out his right hand to Obi-Wan. He could not speak, so he screeched in torment. Obi-Wan looked wretched, but continued to alternate between morbid fascination and the desire to look away.

"PLEASE," Anakin shouted, unsure if the word could be distinguished from his scream.

 _I'm sorry. Please don't leave me._

Anakin's vision came and went, but he was still conscious as he watched his former master start up the hill, and abandon him to the fire.

His screams were lost to the air, but he couldn't cry anymore.

* * *

Anakin reached up and stuck his hand into the gravel. Each time he dragged himself up sent more waves of pain up his body as his raw skin rubbed against the hard ground.

 _I have to find Padmé…she's still alive…I can feel it…_

He reached up again, and nearly blacked out from the effort. He closed his eyes, and tried to breathe. Each breath was torture.

 _She's slipping…_

One hand after another. The hard gravel rubbed against his exposed skin, and he continued to let out moans of pain as he ascended slowly.

 _Padmé. Where are you?_

He heard a ship flying above him, and his heart leapt. He couldn't see it, but it filled him with a joy that not even his agony could shake.

 _Padmé. She's come for me._

Anakin reached out another hand, desperate to reach the top.

 _Please let it be her._

He continued, putting in more and more effort in the vain hope that he might make it to the top for Padmé. It wasn't until he could hear footsteps and the rattle of armour that Anakin realised that it wasn't his wife coming for him.

"Your majesty, this way!"

Anakin looked up to see the clone, and hung his head in disappointment, and fear.

 _If she is not here, then where is she? Padmé…_

He rolled onto his side, hardly listening to the words exchanged above him. He sensed Palpatine…his new master…walking towards him.

Anakin's eyes fluttered open as he looked at the grotesque face. Palpatine was looking him up and down, a crease in his forehead. The creature bent down, looking him directly in the eyes.

Anakin shuddered at the proximity, and tried to hide his despair that it was Palpatine who had found him, alive. Palpatine reached out, and put a hand on Anakin's face.

Anakin's body trembled at the touch of Palpatine's rough hand against his own raw skin. He tried to suppress the groan that escaped his lips.

 _I should have died_.

Finally, after what felt like hours of torture, Anakin passed out.

When he woke, he was on a stretcher, on what looked like Coruscant. The rain beat down on his exposed flesh, and he tried in vain to move – anything to stop the stinging pain. His face was covered with some kind of breath mask.

 _No. Not a mask. My dreams…_

Lightning flashed as Anakin was moved inside, and into a medical room. He was lifted onto something else, and the mask was taken off him.

He sensed Palpatine in the room, and could picture a cold smile etched into his face.

 _What is happening…I should be dead…_

A wave of nausea washed over Anakin as the medical droids around him started attaching metal limbs.

 _I have a full set now…_

The thought almost made him laugh as the pain washed over him again. He groaned as needles seemed to go in and out of him randomly.

 _Padmé…where are you…_

"Don't give him anything. I want to see what he does." Palpatine snapped at someone nearby.

 _I wish I was dead_.

When he'd had his right arm replaced, he had been given a strong anaesthetic – he had barely felt them attach the nerves and muscles. Not so this time.

Each press of a needle sent agony coursing through him, and he struggled despite the exhaustion he could feel eating away at his resolve.

 _Surely I cannot live like this._

Somewhere between the agony of consciousness and the power of the force, Anakin could sense Padmé far away. It was the only thing keeping him awake. She was in pain. He could feel it almost as strongly as his own.

She was slipping from life, just as he was.

 _Padmé…_

The droids didn't even clean his wounds, or remove his burnt and sticky clothes. They just continued to work through Anakin's screams.

Somewhere around him, Anakin swore he heard Palpatine laughing.

Eventually, he could scream no more. All he felt was the weight of exhaustion.

 _Or is it this suit?_

They had lifted him, and dressed him in a suit of armour that encased his whole body. His head remained free, but from the smirks that continued to come from Palpatine's direction, it wasn't over yet.

Finally, a mechanical arm moved above him, and Anakin stared up at a mask as it lowered towards his face. The light shone through it strangely, and soon, it engulfed his face. He was struggling to breathe, and his vision was fading.

As he closed his eyes, he felt a new, sharp pain in his chest. The pain reminded him of his mother, Kitster, Watto, Padmé, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan, and Ahsoka. The images seemed to flash before him, and for a second, he lost consciousness.

Anakin breathed.

He tried to move his face under the mask, but there was barely enough room. Nausea washed through him, and he knew exactly the shape he would feel if he reached his hands up.

 _It's the mask. The mask from my nightmares._

Before he knew it, he was being raised upright, and his feet were nearly on the floor. His heart beat frantically under the armour. Despite his body's desperate response, something felt wrong. He felt empty.

"Lord Vader, can you hear me?"

 _Is this what I've become?_

Heart pounding, Anakin took another breath. The sound echoed throughout the chamber.

"Yes, master."

His voice sounded alien, and mechanical. Anakin gulped as he turned to look at Palpatine.

"Where is Padmé? Is she safe?"

Somehow, Anakin thought he already knew the answer. His body trembled. Obi-Wan hadn't heard him. Obi-Wan couldn't have beared to do anything kind for his fallen pupil.

"Is she alright?"

Anakin's heart was pounding furiously, and he trembled beneath the armour.

"It seems, in your anger, you killed her." Palpatine finally replied, with the hint of a sneer.

It all came rushing back to Anakin. The landing platform. Padmé crying.

 _No…I didn't…I couldn't have…I didn't hurt her…not really…_

"She was alive, I felt it!"

Anakin's trembling was no longer restricted to within his armour. His whole body shook, as did the room around him.

 _No. This isn't real. It couldn't have happened like that. He's lying..._

The force flowed through him, stronger than he'd ever felt it. Rage engulfed him as he tore his arms from their restraints. His mind was filled with a buzzing rage.

 _She's gone. I'm trapped. She can't be gone._

Anakin could not feel his body. He could not see anything around him. Even Palpatine was barely a blur through the tears that clogged the mask. The force flowed through him like molten fire, feeding his strength and taking over his mind and body.

 _I can't control it_.

Anakin did not want to control it. All he wanted was Padmé.

 _I should have died. I can't…I can't breathe…_

He stepped off the stretcher, stumbling forward. He struggled to breathe, but the suit and mask seemed to do it for him.

He was trapped.

 _The mask. The mask. They weren't nightmares. They were all real…_

The room shook, vials exploded, and Palpatine laughed as Anakin screamed and collapsed onto the ground.

Pain.

All Anakin could feel was pain.


End file.
